The Will to push forward towards my dream.

Wow......I guess thats the best way to some out how things have been going for me IN the MTT world.....There truly is no justice in poker....You can truely be a moneymaker or a jerry yang or a jamie gold and luckbox your way to fortunes but Im Nick Carrillo and im trying to feast but the bottom line is im only surviving...Its frustrating because I am trying sooooooo hard to make it it big but again Im just surviving....Making 75,000-100,000 a year is nice living it pays the bills and allows me to have fun and do things that I want but with my spending habits and the things i want to do in my life, I have to super feast and im NOT....

Something inside me tells me it will come, First you must dream something and then you must believe that its going to happen then you must put the work in. (Also helps to have talent to do what you believe in ...(i dont think i can ever be a ballerina)

Im frustrated and mentally tired and drained, but my effort and will to win is still there....

Over the course of the last two months...I have gotten severely deep in tournaments...For those of you that are unfamiliar with tournament payouts, most of the time its extremely top heavy....

I keep getting down to two tables or the final table but busting out in 7th or bubbling the final table.....Im doing extremely good but not getting the reward at the end...Its so absurd and sick and upsetting.

Prime example of whats happening, happen the other day...

Position Username Profit
1 marcot $5,144.17
2 greenlight34 $3,201.67
3 Mataro $2,276.67
4 paddymali $1,767.92
5 roadking1946 $1,259.17
6 Euphons $889.17
7 eatyourbrain $565.42
8 Rounder63 $426.67
9 mckennyj $287.92
10 bucket011 $149.17
11 cellitt $149.17
12 leobello $149.17

Position Username Profit
1 Carlos34x $18,587
2 BenjaminJ75 $11,462
3 BustedNutz41 $8,274.50
4 MattVegasPwn $6,399.50
5 Dirtydeuce162 $4,712
6 gizzardbutt $3,399.50
7 hsrathore4u $2,162
8 Blinds_steeler $1,712
9 manderbutt $1,299.50
10 thepokernei $662
11 ramers4life $662
12 dude904 $662
13 4us0306 $474.50
14 Saiid lafrance $474.50
15 nik5181 $474.50
16 Rounder63 $287



1 WanderingQueen $12,366
2 sasodiits $7,625.50
3 simon1323 $5,504.75
4 Mig_com $4,257.25
5 psfalipitt $3,134.50
6 BigDLuckyJ $2,261.25
7 Chefhoots85 $1,437.90
8 Tippincanoe $1,138.50
9 codz1981 $864.05
10 DERRICKROSE25 $439.90
11 4us0306 $439.90
12 Timid_Tim619 $439.90
13 daCav04 $315.15
14 Rounder63 $315.15



Position Username Profit
1 phatchoy888 $10,416
2 viniciustele $6,416.50
3 Scarypooper5 $4,732.50
4 IvIoneyIvIan $3,680
5 CapTinBisKuiT $2,732.75
6 DoeNuTZ $1,996
7 LeoRai $1,259.25
8 mariano18 $943.50
9 vcehorosho $733
10 kjol21 $375.15
11 SpeeZi $375.15
12 kennl $375.15
13 czGLoRy $269.90
14 driven $269.90
15 pytcheye1111 $269.90
16 Rounder63 $185.70

Look at the payouts and how i get far and get NOTHING...Basically comes down to that one key hand that you have to win and Im not.....and its the difference bewteen thousands and thousands of dollars...this was all in just one day!.......sickinging.

YOu have to remember these tournaments take 5-10 hours....so im putting the hours in and getting just completely screwed at the end, ...So your building yourself up for the possible feast and be all excited to only be extremely let down at the end and your postive thoughts turn into extreme negative ones can be overwhelming upsetting.


I use www.sharkscope.com.......Its a website that keeps track of your profits and losses....i investigated where im doing good and where im doing bad and some of it is prettty shocking..


Since 1/1/2009 playing mtts from 0-109 dollars i am up

Rounder63 3,298 $32 $52 59% $104,071 - N/A FullTilt 1/1/2009 5/3/2010 Sch. Only

In the same time span playing tournaments over 109 dollars

Rounder63 801 -$73 $200 -30% -$58,815 Super Tilt N/A FullTilt 1/1/2009 5/3/2010 S110-NaN Sch. Only


The sicker part is look how much im down after my big win in a big buy in tournament...

Rounder63 733 -$97 $201 -44% -$70,783 Super Tilt N/A FullTilt 4/12/2009 5/3/2010 S110-NaN Sch. Only ...

Sick to think if i didnt play a tournhament over 109 dollars since april 12 of last year...I would have 70,783 more dollars to my name.

..sit goes have been ok for me not super good like a couple years ago

Rounder63 22,332 $2 $60 5% $42,742 - N/A FullTilt 1/1/2009 5/3/2010 SNG Only x ..

Yes thats right 22,322 sit goes in a year and half...

Lately sit goes have been much better for me...Just since March 1st..

Rounder63 1,971 $8 $37 22% $16,721 - N/A FullTilt 3/1/2010 5/3/2010 E>=45 SNG Only

...

So I Know what i need to do, and what i need to grind out but my pride and ego wont let it.....Pretty costly ego.....

But its true belief that I will master everything....


My drive and my will to win is unreal and I love myself for that....I never quit and never surrender, I always go alll out and I will get where i want to be but in the meantime I am struggling...

I attack things head on and dont have fear.....I remember my first day at CSUN when we got pads, our coach got all the rookies and you had to call out of the veterans out and go heads up run blocking against...remember at this stage i was only 240 pounds and they where all over 300 lol.....Obv I pick the biggest fattiest strongest ugliest looking mother #$%$##$.....(btw he decline, probably not because he was scared of me because he had nothing to win going against a small pyscho boy)...

I retardly like things difficult, I dont like the easy route, I like to struggle, I like to bleed because Ive been the underdog my whole life and thats just what Im used to.

Nothing is more pleasing to me is to almost taste defeat but have a glorious comeback.

My poor younger brother felt the rath of me when I was a kid as I would always choose him on my team up against older kids then him, sometimes the results wouldnt be pleasing. But thats how you get better and thats how you win...You must taste defeat before you develop that champions heart...Champion heart dont want to lose because he knows how it feels and doenst want to taste it again....

This Champion is hungry and ready......and deserves TO WIN SOME CRUCIAL HANDS AT THE END.....

Goodluck Rounder63!